More Bad News

August 17, 2007 at 7:40 pm 10 comments

Hi guys.

Just checking in.

My sister had her biopsy done this week.  She went into the hospital and they had to collapse her lung.   Unforunately, the cancer has spread to her lungs.   We are not sure of the treatment yet.  She is only 37.   I am really scared.  I don’t know what will happen. I don’t want her to die.

If she dies, and then my mother dies, I don’t have very many relatives left.  I know I have Chris, but I don’t want to be the sole survivor of my family.  I don’t want to be the one left.

But even if they get the cancer this time, she probably will get it again.   And I am so helpless. I don’t have anything that I can do to help.   I am going to apply for FMLA (family medical leave) so I can take time off if I am needed to take her to appointments or anything else I need to do.

I have been eating non stop all week.  I can’t really stop.  I get upset and I crave carbs.  And ice cream.  And I eat them.  And they don’t make me feel better but for a brief instant they do.    I am trying not to shop away the pain but sometimes that works a little bit.   But then even that wears off and I am left thinking and thinking and thinking.

And it is hard for me to come here and talk.  It is hard for me to think of the words to say.  I read your blogs and realize that life is going on,  moving forward, not stopping.  And I so badly want it to stop.  I want more time.  I want to know what I am supposed to do.  I hate feeling out of control and frightened.   I hate being in this state of flux.

I just want things to be better.

And things just keep getting worse.

at least I now have my therapist. I will see her Wednesday. If I can hold out that long…

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Harry Potter When Depressed, Book A Cruise!

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. diamondfistwerny  |  August 17, 2007 at 10:11 pm

    Well, you’ve got a lot on your plate. I hope you get the FMLA, so that you can spend some quality time with the Sis. Let us know how things are 🙂

    Reply
  • 2. Lyndon Evans  |  August 18, 2007 at 12:22 am

    Dear Dewey;

    First you need to calm down as best you can. At this point, there is nothing you can do except be supportive of your sister and Mom and help where you can.

    I have gone through many things over the past couple of years with my elderly parents and have at different times worked myself up to the point that when I was commuting to my former job at CBS, I would emotionally breakdown to the point while driving, I would have to pull off the road and get it out of my system before I could start drving again.

    No, your life is not going to be easy for the foreseable future, but if not for yourself, you need to be strong for the others, and no that is not easy. I’ve gone, and will go through it again, but it is something you just need to find the courage to do.

    As far as the eating (binge it sounds like to me) STOP !!! it is not helping, if anything it will make your own health worse. None of us want to be left “as the only one”, but it is part of life. And we all have to deal with it eventually, some better than others.

    After my parents eventually pass, I will be on my own. That’s why I will someday move to AZ where I have an extended family of cousins.

    Life isn’t fair. We’re not the little children we once were when everything was bright and rosey. We eventually grow up to become adults, with all the trials and tribulations that go with it.

    Your sister needs you now more than ever, intact and whole.

    And yes, she will probably pass. I know that’s not an easy thing to admit to yourself, but you have to believe that in time her pain will be over and she will move on to a better life, one that you will rejoin her in yourself someday.

    Whether through the help of your therapist, frineds, church or what family you have, find the strength you will need to deal with this, probably the most painfull and trying period of your life.

    Whether you believe in God or any type of spirituality is irrelevant. You need to believe in yourself and what you are able to do at this time of your life.

    I say all these things to encourage you, not to find fault.

    What more I can say here, I don’t know. But I have the faith that you will find that inner strength you will need now and in the future.

    I would imagine that all of us who read your blog will be praying for both you and your family. I

    I hope that fact will give you some comfort.

    Reply
  • 3. Though Lovers Be Lost  |  August 18, 2007 at 3:47 am

    Doug,

    If things are getting to you, do not wait until Wednesday, call your therapist up and get in there as soon as she has an opening… read her this post if you must over the telephone.

    We’ll be here when you need us.

    Reply
  • 4. tigeryogi  |  August 18, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    I can’t add anything more that what’s already been said here Doug, except that you’re not alone.

    We’re all here for you! Drop me a line if you want, and I agree with TLBL, call your therapist for an earlier appt!

    Take care Hon, you’re in my thoughts and prayers…

    Reply
  • 5. Coco  |  August 19, 2007 at 4:46 am

    Hi,
    I am so sorry to hear this about your sister…
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May God give you the strength to endure this pain.

    Unfortunately, I am going through the same…my mom.

    Take Care!

    Blessings.

    Reply
  • 6. Dr. Sparky  |  August 20, 2007 at 10:10 pm

    That made me cry.

    I’m sending all the love and support a silly blogger who has never met you in person can send!

    Reply
  • 7. urspo  |  August 21, 2007 at 3:33 am

    i have been away for a week; not on line
    i was saddened to hear about your news; how dreadful
    blog if it will help; if it doesn’t feel right at this time then don’t
    but please take care of yourself with your eating; the best thing you can do for your sister is be as well as you can be.
    hang in there and prayers going out.

    Reply
  • 8. duane  |  August 21, 2007 at 2:19 pm

    Oh my. I am so sorry, buddy. I am hoping that things get better for all of you. I also hope that your sister is feeling good, and that she gets better in time.

    Just know that there are those of us that do think about you and care about you; even though we aren’t that close. Big hugs.

    Reply
  • 9. Doug  |  August 23, 2007 at 6:01 pm

    Hey Doug, I’m so very sorry to hear about your sister. I’m sending positive thoughts and hope.

    Reply
  • 10. Tony  |  August 29, 2007 at 8:23 am

    I think you needed that cruise to look forward to. Sometimes too much surrounding news overwhelmes us. I AM sure your sister would want tyou ro go for it as well. Have faith that your sister will overcome this ‘bump’in life’s road. simply do your best to support her and encourage when the treatment gets her down. it’s good you have Chris and for that matter, the therapist to talk to about your sister’s ilness, ‘cuz speaking from experience, you will go though you own periods dealing with your sister’s illness. Hugs bud!

    Reply

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