Finding Faith

February 27, 2008 at 11:16 pm 3 comments

As I may have mentioned, Chris rings the handbells for his church, St. John’s Episcopal Church, and he also has recently joined the choir so he is usually singing or ringing on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.

So I decided to take a leap of faith and start going to church with him.  I think God must have been speaking to me because on the first day back to church I realized the class was starting that leads you to become an Episcopalian.   I decided to take the class.  After class I go to the 11:15 service.

I also have been taking part in the Lenten activities. The church has a dinner and classes and it really is quite nice.  I meet new people and it gets me out of the house.   I still will continue reading my Buddhist teachings because I learn and use a lot from Buddhism.  But I think I finally found a church to call my own.

When I was a small peanut we were Presbyterian.  We went to church on Sundays and I also went to Sunday school, participated in the youth group and even went to a church camp once a year that was quite fun.  I was a part of something bigger than myself, and it felt good.

Then everything changed.  The public high school near my house was a little rough and my mother thought that I might be picked on or beaten up while going there.   So, in a complete turnaround, she sent me to private school and the private school near me was Catholic.

Nothing screws with your head like a Catholic education.

It wasn’t the other kids I had to worry about.  It was the teachers, primarly of the nun variety.   I was made aware that a Presbyterian does not fit in.  Oh, they tried to pretend, and they made me go to mass, and luckily I did not have to attend confession but all in all, my high school years are not fondly remembered. 

But I do remember my little church fondly.  The one that I went to as a kid.  And I want that feeling again.  I want to believe in something out there that matters.  And I want to be around people that exert a positive influence in my life.  I want to belong to something.

When I was studying Buddhism I was a mess.  I only read the doctrines. I never went out actively seeking other Buddhists to commune with.  And I have NO idea whatsoever on how to be a Buddhist anyway.  I have no training.  I don’t meditate.  It was exotic  and lovely and makes a lot of sense.

But the things I DO know about are Christmas and Easter.  And I can experience these things with Chris and other members of my family.   I do love a Christmas tree and a wreath and the sense of peace you get on a calm winter night. 

Some people seem so sure of themselves when it comes to faith.  I was never all that sure.   I have a questioning nature at heart and it does come out in my thoughts and prayers.  But I think that is OK.  It is OK to question. It is OK not to be sure.   And I will give myself time.  I may never find any answers but at least I am on some sort of pathway again.

And that makes me feel really good.


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Egads! A Leak! Thoughts on a Thursday

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. tigeryogiji  |  February 28, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    I hope that you find that path that fits you best, whatever it may be! ((HUGS)) 🙂

  • 2. Indigo  |  March 1, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    I don’t mind you being a Christobuddhist as long as you don’t mind me being a Christowiccan 🙂 you’re the best guy!

  • 3. Java  |  March 5, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    I’ve been a presbyterian for a long time. Mom and Dad took me to a presbyterian church when I was little. Then they divorced and didn’t go to church at all. Ha! Still don’t.

    Went back to the presbyterian church as a young married gal, and have been “reformed Presbyterian” (PCA) for the last 20 years. But 2 years ago I had my own grand reformation and discovered that the fundamentalist take on homosexuality was a crock of shit. And all of a sudden I don’t “fit” with my former church. Still haven’t quite found one I’m willing to attend regularly. Have been going to the local Episcopalian church irregularly for a few months. Right now I’m just really pissed off at Christians in general. God is great, but his followers are kooks, most of them. So I’m reluctant to associate with them. Except the gay ones. The gay Christians are wonderful.


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