Cell phones and vacations

What is the point of my mother having a cell phone if she never turns it on?

I have tried to call her and get her voice mail.  I know she is in Pittsburgh and it is around nine o’clock at night and I want to know more about how my sister is doing.  Would it be too much to ask of that woman to turn on her phone?

She did leave a message and told me that things were good.

The only minor snag is that they still have to check her lymph nodes.

They are going to do this on Monday, while I am there.   So I will be there if there is any more bad news.

It will surround me.

I tend to avoid bad things.  Sometimes I don’t answer the phone. I don’t answer the door.   I try to avoid situations in which someone will give me bad news.   I throw myself into a novel and stay buried in it to avoid any unpleasantness.

Did I tell you that I already have four novels packed?   I am ready to go!

But seriously, I am worried.   I know that there is nothing I can do, but I am worried.

I really wanted this to be a good week off.  Maybe some of it will be.   I will try to check in and let you know.

Family Stuff

Just to let you know…

I will be visiting my mom and sister next week so I will probably not be able to do a lot of blogging.  (or blog reading for that matter).   I will try to hop on to my mom’s computer with updates if I can.

Things are going OK.  My sister found out that they just have to remove the quarter sized lump from her breast and that it is not attached to anything so that is a good sign.   She has her surgery today in Pittsburgh.  I offered to take off and head up there early in order to drive them but my mom said everything should be OK.  They are returning to Edinboro on Saturday and I will meet up with them then.

So, as my mother recovers from rotator cuff surgery and my sister recovers from surgery, this will prove to be a fun week!  I have a few books picked out to read while I am there.

Incidentally,   I have checked out a few Rex Stout Nero Wolf books on CD.  Have you ever read Rex Stout?  I am on my first one,  “And to be a villain”  and it is pretty awesome.   Somebody drank some cyanide.    It must have been easier to get cyanide in the forties.  I am not sure how you would go about getting it now.   I read the news, but nobody seems to ever get bumped off by the “classic” poisons.    Maybe they never really did. Maybe it was all a figment of a writer’s imagination.

Back to my family.

I was really worried yesterday and really felt like crying at work, so I left at 3:00.   I know there is nothing I can do, and I really shouldn’t worry but worrying is part of my character, so I do.   I am not so worried today.   And I only have two more days of work before I can go and see my family and find out what is going on.

Do you ever feel helpless?  Like you have been put into a situation, and you can’t think of anything that you can really do to be of assistance,  aside from flailing your arms and spending too much time brooding.

Well, enough of the brooding.   I think I might have to watch the “egg song” again.   That will cheer me up! 

I Love Egg!

Ok my pretties.

 Watch this: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/eggsong.php

And when you are done with that,  go here: http://www.iloveegg.co.uk/

 And make sure you look at the animations.   It is awesome!

You will thank me for this. You really will.  I mean it. 

Pieces of Eight

Thanks to Tiger Yogi,  I have to come up with eight pieces of information about myself. Preferably, things that you don’t already know.   I will do my best.

1.  I love breakfast food.  I can eat breakfast food all day.  I especially like things that have southwestern sauces, even in the morning.   Huevos rancheros anyone?  

2.  I am deathly afraid of things that have stingers.  I am not allergic or anything, just afraid of being stung.  I wave my hands around and squeal.  It is quite amusing.   I also don’t like eating insects.  Read on for more on that…

3.  I have never, nor will I ever, wear a speedo.  You couldn’t get my fat ass into one anyway.  (will saying “ass” give me a pg rating? )

4.  I had a hampster named Toby when I was a boy.   When Toby died, I think it was one of the most traumatic experiences I had in my young life.  I had to bury him in the woods in a shoe box.   I hadn’t had the courage to get another pet until my birds, Ariel and Horatio.

5.  Ariel and Horatio (named from Shakespeare plays, of course)  were parakeets.    After owning them for awhile, I realized I really don’t like caged birds.  Ariel spent all her time pecking and tormenting Horatio.  I eventually had to get a second cage and seperate them.    Horatio died anyway.  Ariel would screech to high heaven all all hours and throw seed all over the carpeting.   I much prefer dogs and cats, thank you very much.

6.  I lived in Memphis Tennessee for three years right after I got my Masters degree.  I wanted to live someplace new.  I applied for a job, having never actually been to Memphis and was hired.  So I moved.  One of the bravest things I have ever done.  And I really liked Memphis.  The only thing I didn’t like was that it was in the middle of nowhere, and there really weren’t a lot of places to go cheaply to get out of the city.  I much prefer Baltimore with the day trips to New York.

7.  I can’t stand commercials.   I can’t even stand the idea of them.  I think this is why I have cable.   When I get home from work, I really don’t want to be bombarded with people trying to sell me detergent.  And commercials are just getting louder and more annoying.   I really pity people that have to work in the advertising industry.   What a bunch of blood suckers.

8. I just had a snowball tonight.  Snowballs are a Baltimore thing. Shaved ice with flavor.  When I moved to Baltimore, Chris took me out to get a snowball and I just hated it.  Maybe I got the wrong flavor but it took several tries before I found one I liked.  Now I just love them.   I got a strawberry margarita one.  Yum.  If you come to Baltimore for a visit, I will be sure to take you to get one!

That’s all.  Everybody I know has already been tagged, so I am not tagging anyone.  But if you haven’t been tagged and want to play, please do!  

Does that roach cost extra?

Today Chris and I were in Manhattan.  And the stories I have to tell.  Just you wait!

We take a bus that leaves from Baltimore at 7:00 AM.   It pulls in around 10:15 and lets us off in the theater district, right on 46th street.   Today we were in luck.  7th avenue was closed to traffic and they were having a street festival with booths for gifts and food.   So, we began to walk.   Eventually, after buying a coffee and a pastry, we made it to Central Park.

Central Park is wonderful.  The day was perfect.  It was in the early seventies,  and many of the pathways were shaded.  We saw joggers and bikers and walkers,  and many people just sunning themselves, and families playing with kids, and lots of little dogs.    And we walked.  And walked.  And walked.   Central Park is enormous.   We crossed the park several times and I had thought that we had circled around and were headed back to the theater district.  Did I mention that Central Park is enormous?   After walking for over an hour and a half,  we managed to find a map.   We were heading further and further away from the theaters.  In fact,  it was after noon and we had made it all the way to 88th street.   And we had to be around 45th street for a play at 2:00.    So, we had to start a long, long walk back.    By the time we made it back to the street fair my feet were killing me and we were hungry.   We had to eat quickly so we both got chicken gyros at a booth and I think I ate it too quickly because it gave me a bit of a sour stomach.  But we made it to the theater on time.

We saw Legally Blonde, and let me tell you, it is really a cute musical.  It is not overly dramatic but the cast is good, the music light and there is a lot of pink.  And the cast contains two dogs that are quite good.  If you saw the movie, you get the plot.   But Chris and I both enjoyed it immensely.

The dog is named Bruiser and they had for sale a small plush Bruiser in the gift shop, wearing a Legally Blonde t-shirt.  I almost bought one.   $25.00.   I am not kidding.    For a tiny plush dog the size of a Beanie Baby.    Needless to say, I passed.

On a friend’s recommendation we went to the Playwright’s Tavern on 49th street for dinner.    Chris got a cosmopolitan and I settled for a coke, and I ordered a salad and some ravioli made with marscapone cheese and sun dried tomatoes.   My salad arrived and it was quite good.  Chris ordered the fish and chips and our dinners arrived.

I ate about half of mine and I saw what I thought was a saffron seed sitting on one of my raviolis.  Then I was not so sure.  I picked it off with my fork and put it on my napkin.   I thought it had antenna.   I showed it to Chris and asked him what he thought.  Sure enough, there was a roach in my dinner.

The manager came over and told us we had to pay nothing (thank goodness for that) and offered more drinks or dessert.   At that point, I just wanted to leave the tavern.  I was feeling quite ill.   It was truly an unpleasant experience.  I actually feel a little bit hungry as I write this but the thought of eating anything is turning my stomach. I hope I can eat something tomorrow.   Who knows?

We did a little bit of souvenir shopping and then headed back to the bus to take us home. 

It was a memorable day.      I can’t wait til the next time!

The Dewey Who Is Not Dewey

I have to make a confession.

I have become obsessed. 

It is hard for me to go on-line to blog or read my favorite blogs.   Because every time I turn on my laptop I have to feed my obsession.

You see, I have created an avatar in Second Life.

Second Life is amazing.  You create an avatar who is you, but not you.   The avatar can do amazing things like dance and even fly.  And the avatar can teleport all over this amazing world and see all sorts of new and amazing things.

Do you know that over 7 million people have avatars in Second Life?  And when you play, many of these people are playing as well.   And you can run into them and talk to them.   (or not talk to them if you are shy, like me).

You can be human.  You can be a furry animal type person. You can be a vampire.  You can be anything that you want to be.

And you can travel.  You can go to virtual Rome and discover that everyone around you is speaking in Italian.   You can find some amazing gardens and wander through plants and trees.  You can visit a busy nightclub,  or ride in a hot air balloon.  You can even visit an abandoned asylum.   You can find a virtual mall, and buy money you can use to buy clothing for your character.    I even stopped in a Buddhist temple.  It was lovely.  It is great fun.

And, the best thing is that Second Life is FREE!  You can create an avatar for free and enter the world immediately.  You start at Orientation Island and have to complete some tasks to move on.  Then you can head over to Help Island for just a taste of what is to come.  

And I even found an island dedicated to libraries.    Just awesome.   So, if you wonder where I am, I could be anywhere.  Virtually, of course.  I have a whole other existence now.   Hope to see you there!

Ah Summer

Manged to make it through the weekend unscathed.

Did not do very much.  Managed to knock off 200 pages in the book that I am reading.   Hopefully will finish this week.

It has been getting hot here in Baltimore, and something is amiss with the air conditioning at work.   The office gets very warm and yesterday I had a headache by the end of the day.    I hope they manage to get it fixed.   I don’t deal with heat very well!

Sunday was the Pride festival in Baltimore and I should have gone, but I am not really a crowd person.  I had really intended on going and told Chris about it, but when it came right down to it, I was quite happy hanging out at home.  Sunday being also father’s day, which is never a good day for me, it was probably better that I stayed home and out of trouble.

Chris and I did venture out for a snowball.  That was exciting!

Plans for the week:

I have to get my emissions tested on Thursday morning.    Naturally, the emissions stations are not terribly close to the house, and I should get there early so as not to have to wait in a long line of cars.  I will probably leave the house around 7:00.   No sleeping in for me!

This weekend I am going to New York.  For a person who doesn’t like crowds, I sure do like Manhattan.   We have tickets to see Legally Blonde on Broadway.  I can’t wait.  And there is a little Irish pub that we like to go to that serves great food.  Though, now that I am not eating pork or beef, I wonder what I will get there.   Irish food tends to be quite meaty.

Other than that, not much has been happening.  It was nice to have a low key weekend.   Sometimes I really need that.

In two weeks I will be visiting mom.   I told her that I would be willing to drive my sister to any surgery that she might need.  I also offered to move my vacation around if she needs me to help with any driving.   So we shall see.

I am nothing if not a willing helper!

Hope you are all having a great week!

Melanie C!

Here is the new video from Melanie C, formerly known as Sporty Spice.   I keep hearing rumors of a Spice Girl reunion and I think  it may actually happen! Something to look forward to.   Anyway,  I bought Melanie C’s new CD “This Time” and I really like it.  

I am bearing up pretty well today.   After the initial shock, I came home early, took a nap and Chris and I went out to Chili’s for dinner.   Then we watched a funny movie.  This morning we got up early and went to breakfast.  Today I have been reading.

I have been lugging around my latest novel “After a Dead Dog”  for over a week now.  I like it, but don’t love it, and am determined to finish it.  I am about halfway through.  I can make some headway this weekend.  I may decide to post a review or I might save it until the next book.

About life, my friend Lois always says “it is what it is”  and my sister is young and she has a lot of fight in her.  I just have to hope for the best.  Never easy for a pessimist to do, but I will try.

Until then I will use this blog as a sounding board.  Thanks again for all your comments.  They do help!

Now on to a more positive rest of the weekend!

The Half Day

I took a half day’s vacation today to start the weekend early.

I didn’t much feel like being around people.   I will be able to stay at home and pet the dog and take a nap.  Naps usually help me feel better.   I didn’t sleep all that well last night anyway.

I am feeling really guilty today.

My sister was addicted to cocaine, and in the midst of her addiction I said some horrible things about her.  I had horrible thoughts about her.    I blamed her for my father’s suicide.  In a way, I still do.    And I thought that if she had died maybe my father would still be alive.   Maybe my mother would not be in so much debt.  Maybe life would have been like it should have been.

And now my sister is sick and I can’t help feeling that it is my fault.  I know that it is not true, it just feels like it.   I keep wishing that I were the one that was sick.   I could handle it.  I have Chris to take care of me and I have good insurance, and I try to have a pretty good attitude and I could fight it and get better.

I just don’t want her to suffer.  And for years, all I did was want her to suffer.   I wanted her to feel the pain that she put us all through.   

And I don’t want my mother to have to go through this.   She already had to deal with my sister’s addiction and my father’s suicide, and these two things never really go away.   And now she is retired and should be enjoying her retirement.

She should be growing older with my father.   They should be traveling.  Gardening.   Going to the theater.

Instead, she is taking care of my sister.  And I am six hours away and I can do nothing to help.  And even if I were to quit my job and move there, what could I do? I would just be in the way.

I know, I am beating myself up again.  I am a pro at that.   At least I have my blog to get some of this stuff out. Thanks for listening, and all your kind words.   They mean so much to me.

The Good, the bad, the depressed.

Update:  My sister does have breast cancer.  They are not sure if they can only remove the lump or have to remove the entire breast.     She is going to try and see the same doctor that helped my mom.  I will keep everyone posted. 

 Sorry I have not been posting.

I have been distracted, worried and depressed.  I have been considering calling my mother but I know that there won’t be any news.  Calling my mother will accomplish nothing.   My sister may be home and she might answer the phone.  I won’t know what to say.  It is better not to call my mother.

This is a usual state of affairs.   I love my mother and really do like to call her.  But calling my mother is a precursur to tragedy.  I can’t help it.  My family seems to be a tragedy magnet.    Once we get through one major upset in life we are only lead to the next.   I have had so many upheavals in my life I think I am beming my own speed bump.

Thank goodness I have Chris to cling to.    You know, I have been at my job for eight years and not once have I applied for a promotion.   I am not sure why.  I know I can do the job  (in fact I do many jobs that are normally given to a grade higher already).    But I am scared.   I am scared of stress.  I am scared of rejection.  I am scared that I will get more responsibility at work and then something will go completely haywire at home.  And I really do try not to let my personal life interfere with my work life.   But sometimes I get so worried and so sad I just don’t know what to do.

And the position I am working in is fine.  Maybe I can just stay here until I die.  And when will that be?  I mean, I weigh too much, that is for sure, but I don’t smoke and I don’t drink all that much.   And I avoid stress  and things that cause stress.  And I take lots of naps.  Naps are supposed to make you live longer.   But is living longer what I really want to do?

I know that I want to grow old with Chris if he will still have me.   But I am worried about having to bury my family.  I know I should not think about things like this.  I know when I dwell on these thoughts I only serve to bring myself down.  I know I should be thinking positive thoughts.    I know I should be trying to be happy.

But I am worried.  Maybe I will call my mother tonight just to see how she is doing.   Maybe she will be home and will answer the phone.   Maybe she can put my mind at ease.   Probably not.  Isn’t that what mothers are for?

Anyway, emotionally I am all over the place tonight. Last night we went to Cold Stone Creamery and that helped.  And tonight I had my favorite vegetarian sushi.  And I have the weekend off to try and get some reading done and am looking forward to that.   And I have a trip to NYC planned in a few weeks to see Legally Blonde  and so I do have things to look forward to.  I guess it is the little things in life that keep you going.